I’ve been writing. Slowly but I’ve been doing it. I haven’t really been feeling it but I’m making myself get the words out anyway. I’m a little over 7k words at this point on the story. I keep wanting to give up and work on something else though and I’m not sure if the POV is working and I need to try and just get it out and know that later I can fix it all. If I still care.
That’s the problem though, I usually don’t care enough later. Okay, really I don’t usually finish. Sure I’ve done NaNoWriMo many times now and have hit that sweet spot of 50k most of them but only a couple of times did I actually finish the story I was writing. And both of those were fic of some type or other and I wrote them just to write them.
The original stuff I’ve tried my hand on? I hit the 50k, maybe go a little over and then get bored. November is over and I tell myself I’m just going to take a little break for the holidays and then get back to the book and by then I don’t care anymore.
I get bored too easily and that has always been the problem. Or one of the many problems.
Which is why I question me doing this writing thing as it is. Why do it? What’s the point? It was an old dream I had a long time ago when I was younger and still believed in having dreams, so why bother now?
I’m not sure what the answer is. I need to try I guess. I need to see if this is still something I want or not. Life is short and I’m not getting any younger.
I want to keep doing the work. Keep writing and actually finish some things and then around my next birthday I can see where I stand. I can then ask myself if I want to be doing this or if I need something else.
I haven’t made an art quilt in ages. I haven’t played with paints in a while either. Earlier in the year I was taking photos obsessively on a daily basis and now I can barely bring myself to pick up the camera.
I’m not sure what is going on beyond the usual depression/anxiety happy fun combo. I need to do the work though, even if it seems pointless. Maybe even if it is pointless.
I got a little over 1k written on the story. I have finally begun. I also continued with writing more character development stuff later in my notebook as well and I wrote a couple hundred words of some stuff from another character’s point of view that I wanted to get down even though it won’t be in the story because I’m going with first person with this one. I just needed to write the other stuff though to get it out of my head so it’s in the notebook.
I must have done less fucking around online today because I’ve gotten some good reading time in as well 🙂
I did more work on the story with background and character and new side characters and the name of a doughnut shop. I have a bit more work that I want to do and I want to be able to read before bed though there won’t be as much of that as I’d like. There just aren’t enough hours in the day really.
Well I could spend less time fucking around online. That might be helpful.
I’ve got the start of an outline for the beginning stuff too. I think I really will start the writing part later today after sleep. I will also keep working on more world building and character fleshing out as I go. I think that might also work to keep me interested and invested.
Okay more work, then popcorn and then fun reading time.
So the working title for my new writing project is Could Be Forever. It’s just a working title. I wanted to be able to call it something. What I was calling it in my head before gives way too much away so this is the new working title. Which sounds like it should be a romance and it so isn’t.
I’ve been working on character backgrounds the last couple of days and I’ll be working on those more today. I really wanted to be able to start the actual writing on the first but I may push it to August 5th, it being the first Monday in August.
I want to have more background fleshed out. I think it is really coming together now. Somethings are changing but I like the changes. I’ve been doing the prep writing by hand but I’m not sure if I’m going to write the story itself handwritten in a notebook or type it on the computer.
Of course what I really want to do right now is read, I’m toward the end of a very enjoyable romance novel and I’ve got several awesome books that just came out and are calling out to me. But writing first then reading.
Time to do the work.